NLRB Outlaws Itself

July 23, 2008

July 23–In a surprising new ruling issued Tuesday, the DC Circuit Court issued an injunction against the National Labor Relations Board for “continuing to exist.” The request for the injunction came from the Board itself, in a case called NLRB vs. NLRB. The Board found that it was in violation of sections 7 and 8 (a) of the National Labor Relations Act and asked the court to enjoin “all future activities.”

The new doctrine is based on the board’s claim that it is itself an unfair labor practice. “I can’t believe we didn’t notice this before” said Board member Robert J. Battista, “Clearly we’re an employer, and clearly we are restraining employees from forming unions, so it was kind of a no-brainer.”

Another board member explained: “We were obviously an obstacle to the free flow of commerce and in violation of the constitutional right of business to do whatever the hell it wants.” When asked where in the Constitution this right could be found, he explained, “I’ve been golfing with my broker this week so I’ve been too busy to check that out, but I’m sure it’s in there somewhere.”

Labor law professor Harris Freeman, reached at the University of Massachusetts, said the board’s ruling was not surprising, given recent decisions, which he called “imbecilic” and “lacking even the vaguest grounding in reality.” However, he wasn’t opposed to the move: “They were just making things worse, really, so good riddance,” he said.